Buddhists teach that the greatest obstacle to freedom and happiness is selfish desire. Porn is the quintessential selfish desire. The most powerful new years' resolution men can make is to quit porn.
I am 2 months sober from porn addiction. It started when I was just a kid. It messes me up so badly, i really had no control whatsoever. Thanks for the text, it’s really good.
Hi Fabian, thank you for your comment! It means a lot to know my work lands with you. I also hope that you have support to free yourself from that habit, that you are following a path designed to support people to release attachments and pursue spiritual freedom, like Buddhism or yoga or a 12-step program. Do you have something like this in your life? I am guessing you do.
You guessed right :) I’m in a 12-step program which helps a lot, my wife is a big pillar as well. I wrote a little text about it yesterday on my Substack, feel free to go read it if you want. I’m just trying to talk about it to normalise it and hopefully help someone else :)
Thank you so much! For the restack aswell :) I’m not very used to write and especially not about my inner feelings and thoughts, it’s scary. I hope my writing can be of any help for someone :)
I have no doubt it will be helpful and appreciated! Your nerves are the right kind - the sign you're challenging your comfort zone and doing something greater. Please keep going!
Wow Fabian, I just read it -- amazing. I hope you keep writing. I am completely sure people will want to follow your 12-step journey (I do!). It's really such an important thing to do, such a contribution, to record and share the process of releasing oneself from the grip of this particular attachment. All power to you, and much love to your wife (I love the way you acknowledge her in your essay).
Every man I know hates porn and agrees it’s terrorism. The boys in your story are victims of serious child sexual abuse. That’s what exposing a straight boy to porn is. CSA.
Hi Brian, thanks for your comments! I think you are misinformed about feminism. Feminism is a movement against rape, and porn is rape on record. So feminists are against porn. People might tell you otherwise, but that is called misrepresentation -- it happens to everything, you just have to use your powers of discernment to see through it and make sound judgments. "We hate feminists because they love porn" doesn't seem like a sound judgment to me, perhaps you could think it through. Thanks again!
Hi Brian, thank you. I am aware of this trend. It is called "co-optation," when a movement, like feminism, becomes captured by an industry, like porn (in this case). It is a very common thing that happens to grassroots movements and it's part of the reason I write this Substack, to present a genuine feminist perspective that is anti-porn. If that's something you're interested in, then thanks for reading with an open mind.
I won't keep commenting now, but thanks for your engagement and I hope you enjoy the rest of your day!
There is also an idea that sex work behind the safety of the screen is the holy grail of monetizing male thirst and thus, stripping away power and resources from men which is supposedly good for women. I think a lot of porn positive feminism comes from this purely economic idea. It will take a while for it to be crystal clear that the safety of the screen is not enough to execute that strategy cleanly and also that this strategy does not exist in a vacuum. It creates the kind of men most women wouldn’t want to interact with.
Boys get called misogynists for criticising porn? That's crazy! I don't think it should stop anyone though. It's important to speak out against porn, and being called names doesn't constitute a reason not to do it, in my humble opinion.
Porn consumption as trishna interest me. A lot of what you say makes sense to my experience of the world. I’m curious for your opinion on other erotic arts.
I work at MakeLoveNotPorn because I knew porn was a given, but wanted to shift the industry toward realistic portrayals of true intimacy. Are you familiar with Cindy Gallops work?
But I’ll say, my sex life is as great as it is because my husband doesn’t watch porn.
Powerful, amazing and essential resource.
Great work Renee and thank you!!
Thanks for your comment and encouragement!
I am 2 months sober from porn addiction. It started when I was just a kid. It messes me up so badly, i really had no control whatsoever. Thanks for the text, it’s really good.
Hi Fabian, thank you for your comment! It means a lot to know my work lands with you. I also hope that you have support to free yourself from that habit, that you are following a path designed to support people to release attachments and pursue spiritual freedom, like Buddhism or yoga or a 12-step program. Do you have something like this in your life? I am guessing you do.
You guessed right :) I’m in a 12-step program which helps a lot, my wife is a big pillar as well. I wrote a little text about it yesterday on my Substack, feel free to go read it if you want. I’m just trying to talk about it to normalise it and hopefully help someone else :)
Thank you so much! For the restack aswell :) I’m not very used to write and especially not about my inner feelings and thoughts, it’s scary. I hope my writing can be of any help for someone :)
I have no doubt it will be helpful and appreciated! Your nerves are the right kind - the sign you're challenging your comfort zone and doing something greater. Please keep going!
Wow Fabian, I just read it -- amazing. I hope you keep writing. I am completely sure people will want to follow your 12-step journey (I do!). It's really such an important thing to do, such a contribution, to record and share the process of releasing oneself from the grip of this particular attachment. All power to you, and much love to your wife (I love the way you acknowledge her in your essay).
Brilliantly written and vital
Thank you Jess!
Great piece - but scary.
Can only imagine the sexual abuse statistics will be rising rapidly, as the consumption of porn becomes mainstreamed.
Yes exactly -- and people say we live in a post-feminist age ....
Every man I know hates porn and agrees it’s terrorism. The boys in your story are victims of serious child sexual abuse. That’s what exposing a straight boy to porn is. CSA.
Hi Brian, thanks for your comments! I think you are misinformed about feminism. Feminism is a movement against rape, and porn is rape on record. So feminists are against porn. People might tell you otherwise, but that is called misrepresentation -- it happens to everything, you just have to use your powers of discernment to see through it and make sound judgments. "We hate feminists because they love porn" doesn't seem like a sound judgment to me, perhaps you could think it through. Thanks again!
You’re concerned about feminisms reputation. Great. But About my point that teen boy porn use is csa?
You should go to psychology today and search for “pornography”. It’s a Never ending pantheon of feminists defending porn.
Hi Brian, thank you. I am aware of this trend. It is called "co-optation," when a movement, like feminism, becomes captured by an industry, like porn (in this case). It is a very common thing that happens to grassroots movements and it's part of the reason I write this Substack, to present a genuine feminist perspective that is anti-porn. If that's something you're interested in, then thanks for reading with an open mind.
I won't keep commenting now, but thanks for your engagement and I hope you enjoy the rest of your day!
lol sorry I’m such a grumpy pill. You don’t know how much I appreciate your writing and especially you taking the time to converse. Thank you!
There is also an idea that sex work behind the safety of the screen is the holy grail of monetizing male thirst and thus, stripping away power and resources from men which is supposedly good for women. I think a lot of porn positive feminism comes from this purely economic idea. It will take a while for it to be crystal clear that the safety of the screen is not enough to execute that strategy cleanly and also that this strategy does not exist in a vacuum. It creates the kind of men most women wouldn’t want to interact with.
This is such an absolutely beautifully written piece, so eloquently written and perfectly articulated.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate hearing that 😌
I’m so angry about how popular it is in mainstream media.
Letting boys on Pornhub is digital rape!
If a boy says what Billie Eilish does about porn, we get called misogynists.
Boys get called misogynists for criticising porn? That's crazy! I don't think it should stop anyone though. It's important to speak out against porn, and being called names doesn't constitute a reason not to do it, in my humble opinion.
Of course! Read most women on Substack. They’re okay with their own sons watching it. Don’t believe me? Just ask them.
Porn consumption as trishna interest me. A lot of what you say makes sense to my experience of the world. I’m curious for your opinion on other erotic arts.
I work at MakeLoveNotPorn because I knew porn was a given, but wanted to shift the industry toward realistic portrayals of true intimacy. Are you familiar with Cindy Gallops work?
But I’ll say, my sex life is as great as it is because my husband doesn’t watch porn.